Dr. Vivian Stein

The Six Steps to Happily Ever After

What makes love last a lifetime? Affection? Yep. Respect? Sure. But a great relationship is not just about what you have. It’s about what you do to make a relationship stronger, safer, more caring and committed. Every couple needs to take certain steps — six, to be precise — that turn the two of you into not just you and me but we. You may not move through all the steps in order, and you may circle back to complete certain steps again (and again and again). But if you make it through them all, you’ll be well on your way toward creating a relationship that will be your shelter as long as you both shall live. Here’s how to make your “forever” fantastic.

Would You Know If Your Man Cheated?
Five Things Super Happy Couples Do Every Day
Step #1: Find a shared dream for your life together. It’s easy to get caught up in the small stuff of a life together: What’s for dinner tonight? Whose turn is it to clean the litter box? Did you pay the electric bill? But the best partners never lose sight of the fact that they’re working together to achieve the same big dreams. “Successful couples quickly develop a mindfulness of ‘us,’ of being coupled,”. “They have a shared vision, saying things like, ‘We want to plan to buy a house, we want to take a vacation to such-and-such a place, we like to do X, we think we want to start a family at Y time.’” This kind of dream-sharing starts early. “Couples love to tell the story of how they met,”. “It’s like telling a fairy tale. But happy couples will go on creating folklore and history, with the meet-cute forming the bedrock of the narrative.” As you write and rewrite your love story (”our hardest challenge was X, our dream for retirement is Y”), you continually remind yourselves and each other that you’re a team with shared values and goals. And P.S.: When you share a dream, you’re a heck of a lot more likely to make that dream come true.

Step #2: Choose each other as your first family.For years, you were primarily a member of one family: the one in which you grew up. Then you got married, and suddenly you became the foundation of a new family, one in which husband and wife are the A-team. It can be tough to shift your identity like this, but it’s also an important part of building your self-image as a duo (and maybe, eventually, as three or four or…).
My friend tells the story of her mother’s reaction to a trip to the Middle East she and her then-boyfriend (now husband) had planned. Her mother hit the roof, calling incessantly to urge Lynn not to go. Eventually, Lynn’s boyfriend got on the phone with Mom and explained why they were excited to share this experience. “It was clear then that we were the team,” Lynn says now. “Not teaming up against my mother, but teaming up together to deal with her issues.” Whatever your challenges — an overprotective mom? an overly critical father-in-law? — you have to outline together the boundaries between you and all of the families connected to you. Not only will you feel stronger as a united front but when you stick to your shared rules, all that family baggage will weigh on you a lot less.

Step #3: Learn how to fight right.
Fighting is the big problem every couple has to deal with. That’s because fights will always come up, so every couple needs to learn how to fight without tearing each other apart.
Fighting right doesn’t just mean not throwing produce at each other; it means staying focused on the issue at hand and respecting each other’s perspective. Couples that fight right also find ways to defuse the tension, says Wile — often with humor. “Whenever one of us wants the other to listen up, we mime hitting the TV remote, a thumb pressing down on an invisible mute button,” says Nancy, 52, an event producer in San Francisco. “It cracks us up, in part because it must look insane to others.” Even if you fight a lot, when you can find a way to turn fights toward the positive — with a smile, a quick apology, an expression of appreciation for the other person — the storm blows away fast, and that’s what matters.

Step #4: Find a balance between time for two and time for you.
When it comes to togetherness, every couple has its own unique sweet spot. “There are couples that are never apart and there are couples that see each other only on weekends”. With the right balance, neither partner feels slighted or smothered. You have enough non-shared experiences to fire you up and help you maintain a sense of yourself outside the relationship — not to mention give you something to talk about at the dinner table. But you also have enough time together to feel your connection as a strong tie rather than as a loose thread. Your togetherness needs will also change over time, so you’ll have to shift your balance accordingly. “My husband and I spend a lot of time together, but it’s almost all family time,” says Katie, 40, a mom of two in San Leandro, CA. “We realized a few months ago that we hadn’t had a conversation that didn’t involve the kids or our to-do lists in ages, so we committed to a weekly date. We were so happy just to go to the movies and hold hands, something we hadn’t done in ages. It felt like we were dating again!”

Step #5: Build a best friendship.
Think about the things that make your closest friendships irreplaceable: the trust that comes with true intimacy, the willingness to be vulnerable, the confidence that the friendship can withstand some conflict. Don’t those sound like good things to have in your relationship with your signficant other, too? “Happy couples are each other’s haven,” says Holland. “They can count on the other person to listen and try to meet their needs.” Greer adds, “When you’re true friends, you acknowledge and respect what the other person is; you don’t try to control or change them. This creates a sense of safety and security when you’re together — you know you’re valued for who you are and you see the value in your partner.” Then there’s the way, when you’ve been with someone a while, that you become almost a mind reader. You have a shared history and inside jokes. Your guy knows what you’ll find funny, you forward him links to articles you know he’ll enjoy, and best of all, you two can make eye contact at a given moment and say volumes without opening your mouths. And is there anything more pleasurable than sharing the newspaper with someone? Sitting in companionable silence, absorbed in your respective reading, sipping coffee, occasionally reading something out loud, but mostly just lazing happily together, communing without needing to speak? Ahh….

Step #6: Face down a major challenge together.
You’re sailing along through life, and suddenly you hit a huge bump. A serious illness. Unemployment. The loss of a home. A death in the family. How do you cope?
The truth is, you never know how strong your relationship is until it’s tested.
The truth is, you never know how strong your relationship is until it’s tested. All too often, the stress of a crisis can pull a couple apart. But the good news is, when you do make it through in one piece, you might just find yourselves tighter than ever.
“What didn’t happen to us?” says Daryl, 28, a preschool teacher in Harrisburg, PA. “My husband lost his job and took a minimum-wage job he was way overqualified for just to make ends meet. He was offered a better job in a mountain town outside San Diego, so we moved. Then during the California wildfires several years ago, our house burned down and we lost everything. We were living in a one-room converted garage with no running water and a newborn. But we found that this chaos somehow brought us even closer together. We took turns losing it. We really kept each other sane.” Hey, being a couple is no roll in the hay. It’s tough, real work. But the reward, the edifice you build together that will shelter you through years of tough times, is more than worth the effort. The small, friendly cottage you build — decorated with your shared history and stories, filled with color and laughter — will be the warmest and safest retreat you can imagine.

Fing your match at…
http://www.date4cause.com

Tags: The Six Steps to Happily Ever After

Secrets to why men talk and act the way they do.
Men are raised on life lessons such as: “Talk is cheap. Action is key.” This kind of training, combined with the male’s brain circuitry sets up our male species to be creatures of action rather than words. Certainly, men can learn to verbalize their feelings and to respond better to the feelings of others, but it doesn’t come naturally. Part of the brain bridge that connects the right (emotional interpretative) and left (verbal exactitude) sides of the brain is less developed in men than women. This doesn’t weaken a man’s right brain. He can still apply intuitive and emotional thinking skills that help him solve problems through hunches. His left brain is also working fine, so that linear, logical and sequential skills are in full gear.

What’s Wrong With Him?
The problem is that this structural difference may make it harder for him to use both lobes of the brain at the same time. When pressured to speak, men default to their dominant lobe in the left brain — controlling literal, not emotional content. Researchers in the area of gender communication express it this way: Men talk to report, while women talk to build rapport.

Knowing this puts you in a better position to understand that the way your man expresses love and regret will be different from the way that you do; but with a loving nudge from you, he can come to understand why you need to hear those words and how he too can say them without giving up his manhood.

A Man’s Way: With Action
Besides the general difficulty that many males have making the right brain talk with the left brain so that they can access both emotion and language at the same time, there is another reason that they tend to avoid the phrases such as “I love you” and “I’m sorry.” It is because of a heartfelt belief that talk is cheap.

“What good does it do to say these things?” they reason. “It doesn’t change a thing.”
Anyone who feels that way should show it; not talk about it.” Spoken like a man. Saying “I’m sorry” “or “I love you” just seems like an easy way out for men, and they won’t insult you by even trying. But don’t lose hope. Your mate may be expressing his emotions in ways that you haven’t been hearing. It won’t come from his mouth. It will come from his actions.

He may not often say the word “love,” but look for romantic expressions in the things he does for you. When he fills up your car’s gas tank, or picks up your clothes at the cleaners, or cooks you a meal, he may be doing these things to show his love for you. Instead of sitting down and talking with you about feelings, he may see his hard work as a source of support and a gift to you. Romantic? Not by a female’s standards, but to many men, doing things for their mates is what love is all about.

“I’m sorry” is often expressed in similar ways. After you have an argument with your husband over something is obviously his fault, instead of waiting for the words “I’m sorry” watch for the message in his actions. You may see him quietly polishing your car or emptying the dishwasher. Doing something for you may be his way of expressing regret.

In fact, saying “I’m sorry” can be a much harder challenge for some men than saying “I love you.” For men, talk (like so many interactions) is about hierarchy and one-ups-manship. So when a man apologizes, he doesn’t look at it as a way of bonding (as a female does); he looks at it as losing stature.

Take it from me, for a guy, that’s major. You may be tempted at this point and say, “Grow up!” But I’m not here to reform men. I’m just here to explain them. Suffice it to say, that one reason that some men won’t apologize is because they don’t want to feel like less of a man — even though they are sorry.

One couple who was talking to me about infertility issues recently illustrated this method of apology. George didn’t want to see a specialist; Loretta did. After a heated discussion, it became abundantly clear how hurt Loretta was by his stone-cold refusal and how important this life step was to her. He never said he was sorry, but the next morning, when she went off to work, he called the fertility doctor and scheduled an appointment.

Loretta was touched by George’s actions and told him so: “I’m sorry for the cruel things I said to you last night,” she said as soon as he told her what he had done. Thank you for understanding.” And then to herself she added, “and because you made that phone call today I know that you’re sorry too.”

If Loretta continues to notice when George speaks his heart through his actions without insisting that he say the words “I’m sorry,” it won’t be long before he realizes that apologizing is not a painful or shameful thing. And when that happens, he’ll start to open up and begin to verbalize those words of love and regret.

Before you can get your guy to speak his heart to melt your own, try to see his feelings of love and regret, accept this method of expressing emotions, and let him know that you understand the message.

http://www.date4cause.com

Tags: Understanding the Mind of a Man

Dating Tips on Body Language

Whether you’ve just met your man or are long-term loves, this dating guide deciphers the meanings behind his actions.

What woman doesn’t appreciate a man with a nice body? Beyond admiring his physique, you can also gauge crucial dating information with a simple glance at him.

By picking up on the subtle nonverbal messages he’s sending, you’ll discover tons of clues about his personality and how he really feels about you. Here, you can learn everything from how he handles intimacy to whether he’s lying, and more.

How to Totally Rock a First Date
Intimacy Tips From Guys
First-Meeting Body Language

He lifts his eyebrows. When a man sees someone he’s into, he’ll automatically lift and lower his eyebrows, wrinkling his forehead in the process. But you’ll have to keep your eyes peeled to catch a glimpse of this telltale signal. Anthropologists call it the eyebrow flash because it’s usually lightning-quick.

He stands with his legs spread apart. A guy will often stand with his legs spread apart and pelvis facing you when he’s attracted to you. It’s a primal, biological instinct, and most guys don’t even know they’re doing it.

He stands or sits with his toes pointed toward each other. This means he’s feeling a little unsure of himself. So if a boy in the club is striking this pose, he’s digging you but needs reassurance that the interest is mutual.

He smiles with his top lip stretched wide and his front teeth are just barely peeking through. This tight-lipped look is a polite signal that while he enjoys your company, the romantic spark may not be there. but that doesn’t mean his feelings can’t develop.

He holds a looong, piercing gaze. Although you may think he’s smitten, he could be playing you. Holding intense eye contact for more than five sedonds doesn’t happen naturally, so he may be using the look solely as a player’s technique to get what he wants.

He tilts his head slightly to the side when your eyes meet. The head tilt is a subconscious come-hither signal that the guy has feelings for you. So if that man you’ve been meeting eyes with for the last hour gives you the head tilt, that’s your cue to go in for the kill and introduce yourself.

He half smiles. There’s a good chance this guy just wants a no-strings fling. “A sneerlike grin is an indication that he’s not being sincere with you,” points out body-language expert Patti Wood. “it’s a split-face gesture: Each side of his face is telling a different story.”

Dating Body Language
He sits on his hands. If a guy is sitting on his mitts, he’s trying to control what’s coming out of the his mouth. But this is more about withholding information. He’s worried that he’s going to do something that will displease you — he wants to put his best foot forward so he’s disciplining himself.

He has a big, broad expression, often with everything showing — teeth, gums… cavities. Consider it the “Wow, you give me butterflies. I’m head over heels’ smile.” If it’s accompanied by a hearty laugh, look out. If he were any more into you, he might drop down on one knee.

He says good-bye with a soft peck. If 9 times out of 10 he plants a soft, tender kiss on your cheek, then your beau is the sensitive type. This is a paternal gesture that shows he wants to take care of you.

He slouches his shoulders. When a man finds a woman’s actions to be adorable or sweet, he gets the urge to hold her. As a result, his shoulders automatically round off as though he’s about to take her into his arms. So does this mean you’ve suddenly lost all your seducing appeal? Not necessarily. The shoulder slump does indicate attraction but, even better, with a serious emotional undercurrent. So in the case of a long-term boyfriend, this shoulder roll is likely a sign that one of your quirks has tugged on his heartstrings. And if a brand-new dude pulls that move, chances are, he’s feeling a true connection to you. So forget all the flirting formalities and be real. This lad’s looking to go deeper.

He strokes his stomach. A midriff massager craves the spotlight and needs steady verbal reminders of what an absolte catch you think he is. However, when it comes to throwing fond feelings your way, this tongue-tied cutie is much more action than words. But if you want him to shower you with the affection he’s capable of, you’ll have to stroke his ego as often as he strokes his tummy.

He extends his palm. When a guy offers his palm to you faceup, you know hands down he’s hooked. He’s literally and figuratively reaching out to the person he’s speaking with in an attempt to connect on a deeper emotional level. Even cooler: Our brains respond to hand gestures with heightened alertness (we have a special region that processes only hand shapes), so you’ll actually feel the love.

On-the-Rocks Body Language
He shifts in his chair or taps his fingers. These nervous ticks may make it seem like he’s just plain nervous, but if they’re done while he’s explaining himself to you, they actually indicate that he could be fibbing.

He toys with his ears or his nose. If youre guy starts toying with his ear or nose (and he doesn’t have allergies), be suspicious. When a guy is being deceptive, it’s common for blood to rush to his face. His nose and ears will get warm and begin to itch, causing him to unconsciously rub or scratch them.

He looks up and to the left. The next time you ask him a sticky question or he wants to explain himself to you, notice which way he looks. If his eyes move up to the right, he’s recalling information from his memory. If he looks up to the left, there’s a good chance that he’s inventing the answer.

He averts his eyes. Because animosity is so hard to conceal, your guy will reduce eye contact. He’s subconsciously aware that one peek into his peepers will reveal his inner grrr. For a clue as to whether he’s miffed at you or someone else, look into his eyes (since he won’t look into yours). If he stares you down the second you catch his gaze, you’re probably the object of his ire.

His jaw is tense. Check out the spot where his jaw meets his cheekbone. If his mouth is rigid and you can see his jaw flexing, it’s a sign he’s fuming.

He covers his mouth with his hand. This guy is probably lying. When he unconsciously obstructs your view of his lips, it’s a sign that he’s trying to block the truth from slipping out. In addition, he might lick his lips and look away from you — directing his eyes down and to the right.

He turns his cheek mid-convo. Occasionally averting his eyes or scanning the room is normal, but if you find yourself talking mostly to his profile, you’re in trouble.

http://www.date4cause.com

 
Have you ever been out on a date with someone you really like, but you weren’t sure exactly how to let your date know that you’re interested in him/her? It can be hard to know how to express yourself around someone whom you don’t know very well yet.

There are many ways to express yourself during a date. You could, for instance, immediately try to kiss your date and attempt a long session of “sucking face”… but that isn’t wise. While it will certainly convey your interest, it will probably give your date the wrong impression.

Clearly, then, there are better and worse ways to convey your interest to a date (with the above example being one of the “worse” options). So let’s look at some more realistic (and better!) ways that you can let your date know that you’re interested.

Here are six simple ways to show your date you’re interested:

1. Lean toward your date. Body language plays a huge role in what you communicate to others. This is especially true on a date, where the person you’re with will be paying a lot of attention to your body language. So, when you’re on a date with someone who interests you, you need to let him/her know it with your body language. One of the best ways is to lean in towards your date.
Lean in and smile. And when you’re leaning in, look at your date directly in his/her eyes. Lean in and smile. And when you’re leaning in, look at your date directly in his/her eyes.

2. Smile or laugh a bit when your date says something funny. While we all know it’s important to listen to what your date is saying during a conversation, it’s equally important to react to things that your date says that resonate with you. For instance, when your date is saying something funny, contribute to that part of the conversation. Keep the conversation rolling when it’s on something funny and don’t change the subject.

3. When your date says something intriguing, comment on it. When your date starts talking about a topic that is in an area of interest of yours, respond with questions and get more involved in that topic. Say, for instance you feel really passionate about an upcoming election and your date says “Well, I really don’t think I’m going to bother voting.” You can respond with something like “Wait a second. Why are you considering not voting?” Then, let the conversation flow from there. Asking questions when a date says something relating to an area of interest of yours is a great way to get into a deeper conversation with your date while also showing interest in what your date is saying.

4. Challenge your date a little bit. Gently challenging your date will lead to a stimulating conversation. It shows your date you’re interested and engaged in the conversation, and that you’re not just a puppet who just nods and agrees with everything.

5. Keep your body language open at all times. Do not fold your arms. Do not pick at your nails when you are telling a story or talking. Look at your date directly in their eyes. Don’t look in other directions. If you don’t keep eye contact, your date will not only think you lack interest, but that you’re looking at somebody else.

6. Bring your date “into your space.” When you catch yourself leaning back, lean forward towards your date. When you tell a story, be animated. Whenever you talk to your date, use hand gestures and engaging body language. Face your date and hold your in front of you. By doing all of this, you’re inviting your date into your personal area. Your date will notice this and know you’re interested.
So many things about a date are subliminal. You can listen, be a good conversationalist, talk all day long, and get along easily with people. Doing all of these things, however, may still not mean that someone with whom you are out on a date will decipher you’re level of interest.
It’s necessary to clearly express your interest (so that your date will know you’re not just being courteous).
 
It’s necessary to clearly express your interest (so that your date will know you’re not just being courteous).

If you struggle with knowing how to naturally and effectively show a date that you’re interested in him/her, then following these tips will really help you to break through many of the challenges you’ve had in the past. You will also be pleasantly surprised at how much differently those interesting dates will act towards you!

http://www.date4cause.com

Online dating is a game of selling oneself–however, as has been illustrated, if you do so to an unrealistic degree, that can backfire on you. On the other hand, if you don’t try to sell yourself at all, you may end up selling yourself short entirely. For anyone setting up embarking on online dating, here are some Do’s and Don’ts before placing your profile on

http://www.date4cause.com

Good grammar: Unfortunately, Microsoft Word does not set up your profile for you. Therefore, when giving a description of yourself or listing your qualities, for the first time since the PC age began, you’re going to have to figure out how to spell for yourself. It only becomes more complicated, too–you’ll have to be your own “grammar monitor” as well. Very few people are going to crack the whip at the placement of a comma where a semicolon should go, but everyone notices when you don’t bother to capitalize one word in your profile. Check your sentences to make sure they are complete and clear, too. If you really want to impress, double check all of the words you aren’t completely certain of for correct spelling. Why is this important? If you want someone with a high school diploma or some level of higher education to respond to your “wink” or “request for communication”, at least make an effort to provide evidence that you can indeed communicate with her.

Answer ALL the questions that will appear on your profile online: The more information, the better. People who are interested in you really DO want to know more. If you provide very little, prospective partners may think you have something to hide or that there isn’t very much to you. It make take some time, but think out your answers and make sure they sound good as well as reflect who you are.

Answer common questions in uncommon ways: Plenty of dating sites will ask you questions like “what are the top five things you can’t live without?” or “what was the last book you read?” Before you answer, THINK ABOUT IT. It doesn’t require that you be competely candid, and if you are, it may go against you. For example, if the site asks about your recent reading list, think about what other people may have read recently and DON’T choose those books. Won’t you relate to someone else if you do list those books and the readers of your profile have also read them? Yes, that is true, however, I got so tired of people telling me how absolutely enlightening “The Da Vinci Code” is that I started closing off matches who did with the thought “Please, read SOMETHING that isn’t on the NY Times Best Seller list.” In addition, if you haven’t read anything lately, DON’T say that. Several times, I’ve seen questions like that left blank or in some cases, people have actually stated “well, I’ve read a lot of product manuals lately…” Guess what? That’s NOT a selling point. If you haven’t read anything of late–and there are plenty of times when people haven’t–go back and describe a book you have read that you did find particularly interesting (that you remember at least of the few details therein clearly, just in case that becomes an ice-breaking first date conversation).

Oh, and if they ask you what the five things are you can’t live without, don’t say “food, water, shelter, clothes, and air.”

Pictures: YES, put up pictures. Sometimes people actually close off matches because there aren’t photographs. It also goes back to the whole bar room visit argument. What attracts you to go and speak to one person over another when you’re out socially? How the person looks–that’s right. Yes, that may be shallow, but it is true. Put up some pictures to avoid your own disappointment–let’s face it–people will think your profile looks great and then may meet you and not find you attractive.

When you look for pictures, choose ones that your friends think look like you and look good at the same time. Try not to put up those black and white glamour shots–no one is going to believe you’re that good looking. Don’t put pictures up that display you with members of the opposite sex unless those people are clearly relatives (if your brother or sister looks exactly like you, for example, that will be believable, or if you are standing with a significantly older relative, that’s certainly OK). Otherwise, people will wonder about your tact in displaying a picture of yourself and your partner from your last failed relationship.

Don’t put up pictures affluentencounters.com that feature ANY of the following elements: naked people (you included), beer bottles or cans, feather boas, lots of members of the opposite sex, football jerseys, or you standing next to someone significantly more attractive than you (let’s be realistic here).

Contacting people: When you opt to start a conversation with someone online, be friendly and don’t go on for too long about yourself. Make sure you ask a few questions that will lead into what the other person will write back to you. At dating4cause.com, you can send a virtual kiss at someone or actually write them a message. If you do “send a vistual kiss,” don’t send it fifty times. Chances are if someone doesn’t get back to you, that person isn’t interested (you can send a “no thanks” message, but that can only be done via your e-mail account as far as I have been able to do). If you are going through the communication stages on affluentencounters.com, try and check back at least once a day–when you go for days at a time without responding to questions, first, it demonstrates lack of interest to the other party and second, after dating for some time, I find that it is easier to get through the communication stages as quickly as you can and actually start talking to that person.

Don’t write short questions like “What up?” as the content of your message, either. If someone stops writing to you, don’t take it personally. The truth of the matter is that online, just like in real life, most people won’t make the cut. They may get tired of writing to you or they may be persuing other people at the same time.

Meeting in person: The first meeting shouldn’t be a “date” in the traditional sense. Who’s to say you’re going to be in the dating mood when you actually speak to someone in person? Go out for a quick lunch or maybe a drink somewhere. Have an “out” just in case you really aren’t connecting. Make yourself look nice, but in a natural way–don’t overdo it. If you’re a guy–a nicer pair of jeans or khakis should do, and maybe a button-down shirt, but no tie or anything. If you’re a chick, nothing too flashy–go comfortable but somewhat stylish (according to your own style, of course). Don’t be afraid to bow out after an hour or two if you’re not feeling it–chances are, your date isn’t feeling it either, and at least that is one more eliminated from the pool. Don’t feel bad if it doesn’t go anywhere, either. Even for myself, I can’t tell you how many times I went through the whole communication process, talked to the guy on the phone and got really excited about it–this guy sounds great–and then met him and realized I didn’t feel a vibe there at all. It will happen that way more often than any other. Just take it in stride–that will get easier as time goes on, too.

The key thing overall is to present yourself on affluentencounters.com as yourself. If you emphasize one quality over others that you wish was more prominent or if you put up your glamour shots rather than you in a tank top standing next to your sister on the beach, you run the risk of creating the profile for someone you wish you were rather than the person you are. If you go with yourself, at least you stayed true to the whole “what you see is what you get” premise, and if the people you meet aren’t interested, well, you know that’s their loss–not yours.

Have fun!

http://www.date4cause.com

How frustrating is it when you reach out to a woman online and she doesn’t contact you back?
Here are the most common reasons why you didn’t hear from her, and ways to work around them so you can boost the number of email responses in your inbox.

1. She’s getting a lot of attention online.
A key thing to remember is that women’s inboxes tend to get crowded with potential suitors. Make sure that you stand out from the competition by commenting about something specific she said in her profile, such as, “You mentioned you really like movies. What are some of your favorites?” Don’t send her the same email you sent to 20 other women. It doesn’t make her feel special.

2. You contacted her just because she looks hot.
How many times have you skimmed a profile quickly and then contacted her right away because she is cute-looking in her photo? And then she doesn’t respond. If you go back and reread her profile in depth, there will be things you missed which give you the clues as to why she didn’t contact you. Maybe you missed that she has three dogs and your profile says you don’t like pets.

3. You posted the wrong photo.
Guys, you need to start paying more attention to the photos you are choosing for your profiles.
Guys, you need to start paying more attention to the photos you are choosing for your profiles. Don’t even think about posting a photo until you show it to a few women (a coworker, sister or friend you trust) and get their reactions. What you think is a fine-looking picture may look like a menacing mug shot to us. Also, a pet peeve for women is a photo where you’ve got your arm around some other woman who was obviously cut out of the picture. Last, but not least, choose pictures where you can see your face clearly.

4. She may think your email was too forward.
Make sure you are not asking her for a lot of personal information the first time you contact her. You don’t want to make her shy away from you even though you are just trying to get to know her. Avoid asking things like her place of work, specifics about where she lives or details about her children. Also, don’t suggest meeting in person in the first email.

5. You focus on past breakups in your profile.
When women read your profile, they want to learn about you, not your exes. When women read your profile, they want to learn about you, not your exes. If you are including too much detail about bad past relationships in your profile, you may end up sounding bitter and jaded, which is a turnoff. As you get to know a woman online over time, then you can get into both of your relationship histories. It’s not something for your profile.

6. You aren’t her type.
Even though you think your profile and her profile could walk off into a romantic sunset together, she may feel that you are not her type. I know it’s hard to do, but gentlemen, try not to take this personally. The process of online dating is sorting through a variety of profiles to find the ones that are best suited to you. If she doesn’t think you will be a good fit, then you probably won’t be and she’s saving you a lot of time and effort.

7. She doesn’t get what a catch you are!
You want someone who understands all the things you have to offer and is excited to respond to you. Instead of focusing on all the women who aren’t contacting you back, pay attention to the thousands of women with profiles online who are just waiting to hear from you!

I Hope this will help.

Log in at http://www.date4cause.com and search today!